Friday, September 16, 2016

NXT In 60 Seconds

Coming soon to a hospital bed near you (Photo Credit: WWE.com)
Samoa Joe: ...you know, I thought about who I am and what I've become in the past year chasing then holding the NXT World Championship...
Shinsuke Nakamura: Nice to see the old Joe back, man.  Rematch granted!
Joe: AND I'M GOING TO DO ALL THOSE THINGS AND WORSE THIS IS THE OLD JOE YOU SPAZMATIC TITLE SNATCHER! URANAGE INTO THE STAIRS! JOE OUT!
Tom Phillips: [quiet Owen voice]
Corey Graves: [quiet Owen voice]
Internet: [the Rock rolling his eyes at Faarooq mid-promo dot gif]

Liv Morgan: Now that I've beaten a handful of cannon fodder, I want a shot at Asuka!
Asuka, off-camera: laughs so hard she accidentally knocks someone backstage unconscious
Internet: laughs so hard it registers on the Richter scale
Tom Phillips and Corey Graves: break quiet Owen voice to laugh as well because this chick is named Liv but she clearly wants to die

SAnitY

Drew Gulak: I should probably start getting used to Full Sail.
Hideo Itami: Working on that myself.
Gulak: I'll slap you in the face!  I'll headbutt you in it, too!  I'm not afraid!
Hideo: Here's the thing--you can do that and be that and still GET LIT THE FUCK UP.
Gulak: ow ow ow
Hideo: That's it, that's all, baby GOES TO SLEEP now.
Gulak: does
 
Authors of Pain: You may call us Plath and Bronte, or Hemingway and Faulkner, or King and Koontz.  But you will know us by the trail of side Russian lariats.
Paul Ellering: nods approvingly


10ye: The summer of my mild discontent is over and I'm on the way up.  Check the scoreboard.

No Way!  Jose: Ah, that's the reaction I like getting.  I'm so popular.  Everybody samba!
Christian's Old Backing Band: GLORIOUS!
Full Sailors: sing along a couple times over
NWJ: ...aw, mozzarella sticks.
Bobby Roode: slowly rotates in circles on not-a-Roomba and sets off his Tron
Full Sailors: That Was Glorious!
Graves: How dare these people sing such a fine song and yet none of them would even be allowed at a Theranos stock holders meeting!
Full Sailors: ping-pong rooting interest based on whoever's eating the offense 
Episode: Since that opening stretch ran about 15, here's a bit of Two Segs But I Got A Few On for you.
Roode: Spinebuster!
Jose: Heh, you never beat anybody with that thing.  Airplane spin TKO!
Roode: You never beat anybody with THAT thing!
Jose: But I just started to
Roode: Nobody cares IMPALER DDT!  If only there was a self-aggrandizing egotistical word to describe my solidly slightly above average performance!
State of Florida: stares at each other blankly
Roode: [sotto voce] Schmucks.